Most of my clients come into therapy looking for “coping skills.” Life feels unmanageable and they need a way to cope. Emotions are overwhelming and they need a way to cope. Family life is conflictual and they need a way to cope. Of course! You don’t generally come in for therapy when life feels great.
There are so many reasons to need coping skills. We all use them – some of us to a greater or lesser degree. Some are healthy. Some are not. But even the maladaptive ones are an attempt at making something feel better.
So my clients come into therapy, they do an intake session, we get to know each other, all the normal stuff — and it turns out most (i.e. all) have some maladaptive coping skills that have worked in the past but are no longer serving them. They have to go (the coping skills, not the clients). But you can’t take away someone’s coping skills without giving them something to put in their place. The thing is, not everything works for everyone so part of therapy is the trial and error of figuring out which coping skills are most effective, at what point in time and for handling which situations. Some coping skills will work and some will not. If one particular idea does not work, it does not mean that someone is doing it wrong or is bad at coping, it just means that they haven’t found the right approach yet. You keep trying and searching. You ask people what works for them and you try it. As crazy as some ideas may sound, they may just turn out to be the thing that works for you.
I like lists. It’s not a secret. And truth be told, most of my clients like lists. So, I’m going to give you a list. This is in no way to be taken as an exhaustive list. There are many coping skills that I will likely forget to write down that you might have a ton of success with. That’s great! There will be coping skills on this list that you think are stupid; that’s ok. There will be coping skills on this list that you can’t do (for whatever reason), that’s ok too. There will be probably be coping skills that you have tried and discovered do not work for you – that’s perfectly ok as well! None of this comes with judgement, only with the hope that you might see something that captures your attention and seems worth trying. Like I said, a lot of it is trial and error. If one thing doesn’t work, try another, and another, and another. I’m fairly certain that you will find something that can at least help make difficult moments a little more tolerable.
Without further ado, the list:
1. Talk to a loved one/guidance counselor/friend/therapist, etc.
2. Text/Snapchat/IM/Instagram a friend
3. Journal about what your feelings or what you’re going through
4. Listen to music
5. Draw a picture
6. Paint
7. Hang out with a friend
8. Watch a movie
9. Sit outside in the sun
10. Do yoga
11. Light incense or a candle or use aromatherapy
12. Take a shower
13. Take a bubble bath
14. Get a manicure
15. Put on body lotion
16. Go for a walk
17. Color in a coloring book
18. Write a poem or short story
19. Do homework
20. Create a scrapbook
21. Do a puzzle
22. Watch funny videos online
23. Create your own video
24. Play/learn a musical instrument
25. Knit or crochet
26. “Window shop” online (beware over-spending)
27. Create a bucket list
28. Plan a vacation
29. Take a vacation
30. Use guided imagery or meditation
31. Focus on breathing/breathwork
32. Blow bubbles
33. Take a nap
34. Go for a run
35. Read a book
36. Eat sour candy
37. Hold ice cubes
38. Throw ice cubes outside (they make a satisfying sound against concrete; and – added bonus – no clean-up)
39. Plant flowers
40. Play with your pets
41. Volunteer your time
42. Write a letter to someone by hand
43. Play a board game
44. Get dressed up
45. Scribble on paper
46. Use a fidget toy or stress ball
47. Do an exercise video or go to an exercise class
48. Hug someone
49. Create a list of goals – both short term and long term
50. Work with clay
51. Play a computer game or video game
52. Take a class and learn something new
53. Dance around your room
54. Create a personal mantra
55. Look up motivational quotes
56. Make a gratitude list
57. Rip paper into little pieces
58. Count to 100
59. Focus on each of your five senses, one at a time
60. Try to describe a common object with as much detail as possible
61. Cook or bake
62. Progressive Muscle Relaxation (try to tense and then relax each of your muscles, one at a time)
63. Do a crossword puzzle
64. Learn a new hobby
65. Study a new language
66. Sing a song
67. Punch a punching bag (or your pillow)
68. Study the clouds in the sky
69. Go somewhere public and people watch
70. Go for a drive
71. Pray
72. Go to a friend’s house
73. Make a playlist of your favorite songs
74. Design your perfect room
75. Play with Silly Putty or Play-Doh
76. Plan to do some random acts of kindness (then do them)
77. Walk dogs or play with cats at a local animal shelter
78. Clean or organize a space
79. Create a to-do list and accomplish something on it so you can check it off
80. Find and listen to inspirational podcasts
81, Make a collage of your favorite things
82. Count backward from 500
83. Draw with sidewalk chalk
84. Learn and recite the Serenity Prayer
85. Decorate your mirror with positive affirmations
86. Write a thank you note to someone
87. Throw rocks into a pond and watch the ripples in the water
88. Visit the local park
89. Scream into a pillow
90. Read a joke book
91. Watch stand-up comedy
92. Let yourself cry
93. Wrap yourself up in a blanket
94. Jump on a trampoline
95. Go to the gym
96. Make a gift for someone
97. Practice photography
98. Listen to calming sounds (beach, rainforest, rainwater, etc.)
99. Go out to eat
100. Watch a sunset or sunrise
101. Call a hotline/crisis number
I hope you find these helpful. Remember, not every one has to work for everyone. Good luck!
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